茫然

人生的大道应该是逐渐清晰的吧。但我的路途越走，就好像越迷糊。并不是我看不见奋斗的目标，或者失去了奋斗的精神，只是渐渐对茫然的道路感到疲惫。

或许我是真的很懒，懒得社交、懒得努力、懒得敷衍、甚至懒得懒惰。但对于一些我感兴趣的事物，我可不会懒得去管哦。我迷上歌唱，虽然五音不全；我迷上绘画，虽然不是很有天分；我迷上文字，虽然不是学富五车，但我迷上的，我都会尽力尝试。

最近，在新的工作环境里打滚着，间接的学了一些有的没的，正确的不正确的生意知识。但也在同时，见识了很多我从来没有想过我自己会接触的东西。撇掉对某些人、事、物的不爽，说真的，我还蛮喜欢我现在的工作的。

可惜的是，我喜欢的，并不是我想要的。就是因为我心中存在着各种各样的矛盾，我无法全心全意地热恋我喜欢的东西。这也是我对前途感到茫然的原因吧。

但无论如何，还是得让自己振作起来，否则，就如逆水行舟了。

为了我，为了她，加油！！

心情：

猛猛地甩自己多个耳光，在痛苦中重燃奋斗的精神！

（不过还真的是蛮痛的。。 T_T)

不动-无惭

有很多的事情并不是我们凡人所能掌控的。有很多事情我们想要去做，但理智却让我们只停留在“想”的情况，而并没有像心那样“做”出行动。

看着某些事故发生在眼前，我们会懊恼我们没有作出“应该”的行动，我们会反复地在行为上，精神面上责怪自己的无能。但想想，我们是无能吗？我们有能力去解决吗？为什么我们只是想做，却没有做？

或许，这就是现实。任何一种生物，不论你有多么伟大，多么强大都好，潜意识里都有一丝共识——自己。

对。就是自己。我不是否认真的有人可以无私地贡献自己，但人们做的种种，不论好事或坏事，或多或少都把自己的利益隐藏在无私的举动中。你可能会否定我的意思，但仔细想一想吧。

国家：古代各个皇帝，美其名目要一统山河，为的是人民的生计、国泰民安，但是，烽火连天的时候，受苦的是谁？流离失所的是谁？在战争中失去亲人的又是谁？还不是平民百姓吗！战争过去了，安稳的日子开始了，人们感激众战士的牺牲。他们接受着人们的赞扬。但面对战争背后的生与死，谁该付出责任？追究责任前，我有些问题：为什么认为和平一定要站立在战争之后？谁决定生死战乱后的风平，就会带来永远的浪静？如果答案不是“绝对肯定”的解答，那么该皇帝发起战争的目的何在？一统江山，这个千秋大梦该醒了。战斗的心，人皆有之。为了扩展自己的领土，为了向他国展现己国的能力，为了史记留名，这才是战争的原动力吧。

这是——名的诱惑。

政治：有国家的开始，就有了政治的存在。同时也是众多思想家、政治家的发掘期。表面的国家政治是他们为国家提出了很多方面的政策，为的是改善人民的生活水平，增强各族的和谐，但是暗地里发生的事是没有人知道的。“官字两个口”也是古时代的经典话语。说的是，大官下达的命令是什么什么，小官得到的命令却是那样那样，说的和做的是两码子的事。为什么官与官会传出这样的乌龙？那么就要问问他们咯。自私自利，人皆会之。有先考虑别人安危的人，并不代表没有不会考虑自己利害的。顾得了别人，别忘了自己。一字记之若：识。

如是乎——利的陷阱。

为了曾经而后悔，是没有错；

为了曾经而惭愧，也没有错；

为了曾经而懊恼，都没有错。

后悔，能将过去挽回吗？

惭愧，能将过去挽回吗？

懊恼，能将过去挽回吗？

不能，不能，不能。

不论我们多么想要为曾经做些什么，但发生了就发生了，我们没有办法挽回什么。那一秒的逝去已经成为定局了，要做些什么，不如勇敢面对下一秒吧。

时间不会后退，就像生命的齿轮不会逆转。上了“牙”，它只有到了尽头才会停止。每个“齿轮”都安安分分的履行自己的责任，对于停止了的不相干的其他，只能观看着。不论怎么想帮助它，都不能停下来，因为停了，自己的旅程也停了。

《孤影》

孤独酝酿静寂，

夜雨荡漾红尘。

单影相随寂寞，

涟漪泛起飘叶。

《路。途》

独步无尽道，徘徊迷茫路，往返岁月径，踏上繁生途。

《路。途》

数周前，和我心爱的人跟一伙朋友出席了Sunway University Collage 的 Animangaki 2010. 是不错的一天。我不知道他们怎么想，但我还是蛮享受那忙碌中的一丝空闲，至少对我而言，忘忧在愉快的气氛下，陶醉在经典的动画主题曲中，是难得的悠闲呀。

在休息的那一小段时间里，我和“熊猫”离开了大队，闲逛着的我们找到了一处小花圃。那里零零散散地开着黄色的小花。旁边还有一小段路阶。原本的计划是要让我学习DSLR的用法和基本常识，同时她想要帮我们的朋友拍摄一些样品。但不知怎么搞的，我竟然漫无目的地在路阶上徘徊。而这一瞬间就被她摄下来了。

看回照片，感觉不错。但，感觉还没到。所以？来回尝试咯~

作了点变化，有了成品。是有点单调。至然而然的，我的脑袋不住摸索着，记录了这词。我述说着人生，但人的一生有多少的不确定，所以会有共鸣的人还蛮少的。

孤单酝酿静寂，夜雨荡漾红尘。我期望有缘人与我分享这一份迷惘。

漠视

不要把我当作小孩！虽然说我的年纪比你们小，但不代表说我所经历的事情会比你们少。如果是其他人你们倒还可以当之为少不更事的小伙子，向他们诉说你们当年的年少事情，但对我来说，你们是我的朋友，要和我讨论我还可以接受，但要我盲目的接受你们“想当年”的那套处世道理，我或许要向你说一声：对不起了。

是，你们是比我年长，但在某一些方面，我可不会输给你们呢。我也承认你们是比我能干，比我更会想事情，但我不允许有人不重视我的付出。我不爱出风头，更不爱抢风头，你交代什么，我都会尽可能的去将之完成。但如果说，你不喜欢我的做事风格，你可以纠正我，我会慢慢的接受。可是，假如，我把东西完成了，你不说一语，抑或完全不珍惜的话，那么对不起了，我不会再涉足那样东西了，你就把他拿回来，自己解决要好。

你肯纠正我的话，我会拼死做出你要的东西。反之，我会以“四两拨千斤”将之物归原主。

每个人都有自己的一套原则、规矩，没有人可以随意把他人的意志批评得一文不值。也没有人可以轻易地忽视别人的苦心。或许，你有你的想法，我能接受，就是不怎么认同。你有你的理由，但我也有我的自尊，我虽小，可我也是人，请你尊重我的理由。

有些东西，得过且过；有些东西，却不得不握紧一些。你说我对“它”执着，那你何尝不是对某些事物表露出自己固执的一面吗？

好啦，发泄完了。心情平复了。

好了，我承认我有点“迷茫”了。但我的忧虑并不是贸然的。你说的道理，我也明白，只是不大能理解你的动机就是了。谁对谁错，很难说。人的决定就像是钱币，一面是公，而另一面就一定是花，谁也说不来。

心情：

好似还没吃，却已经溶化了的冰淇淋

凡心。繁心

不知道已经有多久没有“涂鸦”我的部落格了，在这凌晨的静寂中，我还无法入睡，便上来“坐坐”吧。

人生在世，多多少少都有时候会胡思乱想吧。虽然我不是很相信星座论，但无可否认的，我的个性就像是活生生的天秤座。该有的、不该有的，统统都在我身上表现无遗，就似被赋予生命的天秤座。

我的朋友经常都说我凡事不要指望坏的方向想，想一想好的，或许你就不会眉头深锁了。通常我夺回一笑而置之。我并不是没有幻想过好事的发生，只是有些时候，你做了最坏的打算后，你就能不顾一切的往前冲，因为，如果最坏的事真的发生了，但你已有了心理准备，有了应变的能力，那么你还怕什么呢？

也因为我这多虑的性格，我经历了很多。它也激发了我某些潜能。我是感激它的，虽然，我渐渐失去了自我。

给我麻烦、想太多的心，一首诗：

《凡心》

心静，神自怡；心动，情难禁。
心平，事好商；心烦，简亦缠。
心阔，穷变通；心窄，视闻短。
心勇，责少谋；心顿，步怯止。
心善，债人愧；心坚，缘恐绝。
心慈，感凡生；心邪，孽满手。
心悦，众皆乐；心痛，残其觉。
心清，晓至理；心浊，万恶起。

思想之二。污染

针对不同的事物、事件，不同的人在不同的情况下都会产生不同的思考模式，做出不同的行动，从而导致不同的结果。

但个人的思想通常都带有一些不肯定，所以在犹豫不决的时候，多了一个“感染源”的话，那他的决定或者思考就极度可能被改变。但并不一定每个人都会被“感染源”所影响的，只要他清楚前因后果，并拥有可以思考的脑袋，那他被影响的几率就会低一些。

“感染源”的存在就像是变异了的细胞，它们和癌细胞无异，会慢慢侵蚀其他好的细胞。但要了解一点，它们的本质也是细胞的一分子，只是被“污染”了，而失去了“理智”，并极其“本能”的“吞噬”其他存在。

要消灭被“污染”了的“细胞”是有很多种方法的：电疗、服药，还有很多很多。但是，所有的治愈方法都会对“本体”构成一定的伤害。而且，被杜绝的“细胞”还有可能会卷土从来，或者，还没被消灭就导致“本体”的灭亡。更不能确保被消灭的一定是“被污染”了的细胞。

无可否认，“癌细胞”一旦袭击，“本体”的“本质”就会被污染，就如同人的思想，无时无刻都面对着被外来的“污染源”影响的压力。不想被污染，就惟有“固本培元”打好基础，做好砥柱，免得被“浊流”带走。

“污染”的严重程度犹如日渐严重的“全球暖化”。做好自己，为我们的未来打算比较好。

思想之一 。 观点

人类是一个很有趣的生物。有很多事情，明明有一些很直接的方法就能把问题解决，但是往往会有人就是有能力把小事，化成大事，然后用一些意想不到的手法把问题“搞定”。这听起来有点荒谬，但是，这是事实，也是我总括了某些事件后，所得出来的（个人）结论。

是很有趣的。他们是很聪明，知道要第一时间把问题解决。这是值得赞许的。但可惜，他们把问题看得有点太过主观了，导致他们只看见他们本身的利益，地位，关系，也因此，他们在有意或无意间伤害了他人的名誉，利益。

我是很想就事论事的，很想要提出我个人的观点和别人分享、讨论。但可悲的，我不能说，也不能写，更不能提。所以，我只能说说我的论点咯。

我是认为啊，有问题出现时，第一点是把问题解决，也对啦。但是，如果没能顾及全部人的感受，那么何不花一点时间，讨论出一个两全其美的解决方案，才下定论呢？但原因我或许可以理解——你要双方都好的解决方法？可以，等咯！

其实是蛮好笑的啦，两全其美很难吗？如果有一方不介意吃一点小亏，然后得到的方法是双方都满意的，那不就好了吗？但是，为什么有那么的一些人就一定要使吃亏的那个人呢？为什么所有的东西都要以他为尊呢？他就不能吃一次亏吗？还是，他认为他高高在上，而他就得永远在他脚下摇尾乞怜啊？但也罢了，事件已成过去，也没了讨论的价值了。

就这样吧，就说到这。

最后，想要说的是，凡是，不要太过先入为主，应全面思考，再下定论。顾及他人，适时放手，合理结局，何乐而不为呢？

Life Like Usual

Time flied. Walking slow on the road. With my mobile phone in my pocket, and my headset on my head, in my ears, with the music playing, I spending my today with random n freedom. The sun is scorching just like usual, but with the smooth wind blowing, it's not that warm in the atmosphere.

Wandering around. But not in the real world. Faces passed. I hear laughter, tears, and silent. Follow the sign, I found what people call Life. From what I've seen, there is freedom. From what I feel, that's boredom. Weird? Ya, it's weird. But when free, and you got nothing to do so that's boring.

Suffering. From the pain. That's awful. And, that's sad. It's just a destruction. Destruction of happiness and the confidentially built sweetness. What caused it? From what we understand, it's our communications.

Forgetting. What had happened. Covering. Tried to cover my pain from you. But it turned another way out. It's a freaking sad case. What to do. What can i do with my feeling, what can I do with your feeling? This is hard. Hard decision to make.

Passed. It's all history now. We still like usual. Argument. Happened, but end up, tighten our relation. It's complicated to explain. It's not an easy way to deal with. But we gained strength from what we faced. We beaten the pain. Although the pains within no longer can be erased.

Continue. Life still keep going, without any pending, as It won't stop for anyone of us. This is a facts, that cannot, and will not change for no matter what reasons.

Take a look into the sky. The sun is still burning hard. The wind still blowing softly. The song playing on my phone, is a song entitled "Not Afraid". Closed my eyes, I hearing it, straight into my heart. To my friend, the lyric start : "I'm not afraid~ To take the stage~..." To you all, is the courage from the heart within.

Face the Real

So, after spending some times in the Facebook, I've finally make myself to believe in what I believe after all -- something really did influence the thinking of everyone or anyone who can't hold their faith, and changed those influenced into something we can't understand with common sense, on this, I called this category as -- Brainless.

Why I said so? To know that, we had been educated as a person -- some sort of highest ranked in the spirit world, with moral values like Tolerance, Rational, Respect Each Other, and Responsibility and many more of it. Then what I see from the few cases happened in our beloved land, during her birthday. I'm disappointed, totally disappointed..

When I was focusing on the news that spread around between friends, and even myself, I suddenly hear the slogan flied in the air. I was wondering. The ways we lived until today, not the unity that we wished for? Is there anything else from the meaning of unity? I wonder.

At the end, I've concluded with few of my friends, we will be the way we have to be, we will still love this land and proud to be a part of her no matter how. We will think before we started something that's not acceptable for others. At last, we wish her -- Happy Birthday.

Mood :

Confusing like hearing many Re-Mixed music.

Sick

It's some of the bad days in my life.. Without notice, I get sick.. Sick of what I also dunno.. It all start by a cough, then it turned into flu, and then fever. This is sucks!

Oh my.. I should be "ge boh" like that, if I don't ask those questions, maybe I won't fall sick.. Damn, now only I realized it's been a trap.. Gerrhhh!

BROTHER, I HATE YOU. AND DUN EVER SAY THAT TOPIC IN FRONT OF ME ANYMORE! ESPECIALLY A MONTH (DAY) LIKE NOW!

Ahhh~~ When only my illness will cure~ I miss my activeness and all those curry and rendangs~

Sob~ Sob~

Mood :

Wanna eat all the thing I like~ Illness go away~!

Re-Start (After Resting 1 Week)

So, here I am.. Finally, my happy relaxing times (days) had passed away. So, that mean, I'll start working starting Monday.

Had some great relaxing time during these few days. Although what am I doing was just sitting in front of the laptop and finishing my chapter 4. So, there is it, my chapter 4 really did finish the final touch-up. At last~

So, after having a great weekends with my love 1, and some full body massage (actually is bone adjusting massage), I'm recharged and ready for the coming hard works. Ush~!!

Was wanting to share more on what I had done on this whole week, but it doesn't seem that I have the mood to talk about it, because I really did act like wasting my precious time during this week. Cheh~ What you expect me to do as my planning for the moment is enjoy freedom?

But say the truth, I really did have some good rest during this free weeks. At least, I no need to bother what other may say, no need to think bout others, but just to be myself, and to live my days. I'm glad for the new company for allowing me to rest for so long before working for them. Appreciated! So, will try my best to help them back in returns.

Let my passion burn again! And I pay back with my fullest!

Mood :

Re-Starting of working mode.

Resting day 1

Ok. Resigned. NOw really is enjoying my holiday. But not for a long time, just few days.

Just like that, 1 day already passed. And I really bored till nothing to do. Maybe working for those years, already knocked away my hobbies and interest. Still, I'm doing something I had to do although I not much feel like doing -- continue typing / writing my story, that progression is slower than snail walking.

AHHHH~!! Stress when the idea appear in mind but can't find the suitable words or sentences to key it out as a story. Erk~!!

After this delay and delayed chapter, next work is to translate a chapter (of another book) from english to chinese. This is my 1st text work (test), wish me luck!!

Mood :

Need few cups of hot & cold coffee, and the unlimited supply of music~

Countdown : 1 day

OK.. Today is the last day, I though I'll be uneasy to leave this office. But I get it wrong, I feel so relaxed. Dunno why and I dunno how i drop down the feeling.

1 thing to be remember, I'm now no more related to the "battlefield". Haha! A great thing to celebrate~ At least I can really give myself a break after this.

When you say it's nothing to be worried about, in a sudden, I think back the time I've been spending in this company. Starting a small and unknown store keeper, until the purchasing executive that always being chased by others workers.. LOL

Ya.. Now is a time with perfect silent, no other sound beside the office except the keyboard hitting and the mouse punching sound. This situation make me think of 1 song : When You Say Nothing At All~

Better don't say anything, especially the word -- Goodbye. This will drag me down to the emotion. But who care about it~ Today Is My Last Day~ Pheee~~~ (mind flying in the sky)

Mood :

Uneasy, but can't wait to spread the wings, and fly away~

Countdown : 2 days

Here, another day passed. I'm still blogging in my office as usual. Don't say I didn't do my work, I done it before I do my own stuff like what I doing now -- blogging.

Just wan to share my feeling, it's still as hard as the starting of the week when I know I'll be leaving soon. I know it's my decision to go, leave here, but dunno why, this uneasy feeling still bothering me. Yeah, I know it will be gone soon. So, I was keeping myself out of the "business" in the office. I won't bother what they had been doing all the time, even just online-ing. I need to be a stranger for all this if I don't wan that feeling pulling me down. Yeah, I'll be alright, before you noticed.

So, let's wait for it. Still got 1 more day. 1 more day to be a perfect stranger inside my office. It's hard to say about the feeling though. Hope the people after this take care of this department, and don't let it down so easily, as they are less experienced in handling those "demon in human pack".

I'll pray for you guys. Just hang on, and remember that, this is yours department, not your department, so, be it, take the teamwork spirit out! Then there is nothing to be afraid of!

All the best, pals.

Wishes :

Wanna have a nice rest after exercising. Been lazy for a weeks due to emotional distraction. X.X

Countdown : 3 days

This is the 3rd day. 3 days before my resignation. Kinda hard to express what's the feeling that bothering me, in my head right now.

I feel free, and I can smell the sense of freedom around me, just like running on a big empty grassland.. Feel free to do anything I wished for so long since I ever start working in the society, at the early age of 17 till now. Wanna be free, wanna take a good nice rest, before I'm assigned to another place for survival.

It's a great feeling of being so free.. Free until like being ignored, not been cared by anyone..

Underneath the freedom that I dream, I feel unsafe, empty, unwanted..

I promised myself and my she, that I won't be emotional, nor too soft-hearted, but when it come to this kind of situation, I cant hold myself. Not to worry as I wont do anything harmful, maybe just be emo for couples of days. I been wondering, "is all the human like this? have to lose the things 1st before they starting to appreciate it?" From what I experienced in those years, I can say that : "Ya, that's human."

Never mind, it wont make me change my decision as it's already the final. Just hoping what I did now is what I needed. Ya. I need a place to work, in the same time, a place that is free from "mind pollution" and let me feel that I'm not working but instead I'm working.

Still the same words :

Freedom and random is what I wishing for~

The Final

Yeah.. This is the final week. Things will getting more and more far away from me as I'll step on another path of my life. Life is nothing much, but just a drama waiting to be played until the end.

Life is full of emotions, truth & lies, love & hate. Nothing gonna change the rules of life being like this. This is life, our life.

Being the newer generation of the world aren't a bad thing as we accepted to be more modern, but it's aren't a good thing though as we been forgetting what our mission is, but we leading to destruction.

Life is Hard, yes it is. But when you think your road getting tougher, is because you got that something that the Highest afraid, so He trying to give you tests.

Ya. To believe, with believe.

Waiting

Finally, it's another month. Many things are pending, waiting me to finish them. But I doesn't feel like I'll settle all of it. Maybe you'll wonder why, but the reason is simple as abc -- LAZY.

Haha.. It's my style of working maybe, I'll delay the work, but will try to get it done. Will late, but won't no do.

Possible that I'm a kind of person that won't rush for anything, but I did have the things I wish to rushing for. I can't understand, but I still being like that.

Maybe, I wont decide unless I knew what will happen, so, I'll wait, wait till a time or moment that I can fully predict what will happen only I'll get moving. It's not a good way of being an individual as in the fast and cruel world, yes I know, and I'd face all those creepy peoples.

But it wont be a matter, I'm still breathing, talking, laughing, in-loving, then that's all I want.

So, I'll be waiting, waiting for the right time.

Freedom~

担心？

又一次，我在上班的时间做我私人的东西——部落格了。

或许，我对这间公司已经没有任何留恋了，所以我并不在乎“战况”如何了。

距离离开的日子，还有三个星期。

但，好笑的是，我还没离职，就已经有人找我跳槽了。而且，双方（对，两个公司;不包括我目前的公司）都是亲戚。天啊！@_@ 这么下去，是没完没了的。

其实，从我毕业（中五而已）以后，我已经开始工作了。

第一份工作，虽然辛苦，而且工资不是很高，但是是我目前做的最开心的一份工作。我那时结交了数位知心的友族同胞。当时的回忆，还满满的在我脑海里，挥抹不去。但是，开心不是必然的。因某人对权力的贪婪，我的梦，醒了。

第二份，目前的我。开始时，我济济无名。虽然工作时间与厂房同步，但我还是开心的。原因：轻松，没人管。不过，基于“物尽其用”的效应，我在短短的2～3个月里，辗转在3个部门里。忙是忙了，但日子还过得去。可惜。同样的，因为某人的自我中心，导致持续性的人才外流。我就被“抬举”了。从济济无名的小卒，连升两级，荣为采购部主任（当然薪水也是升两倍）。能力被肯定当然值得骄傲，但可惜，人言可畏。人们在背后说我靠关系进入这间公司，然后又发生了如此的人事调动，当然他们会看我为眼中钉。我是不怎么在乎啦，只是，近期的“流言蜚语”有点不堪入耳了些。所以，我执意离去。我知是很傻，但我并不后悔。

或许，我累了。如果可以，我希望不必工作。

担心？是担心的。但是决定了，就不希望给自己后悔的机会。

还是那句吧。

轻松、自在，是我目前的希望。

啊哈～真希望能好好的度过一个悠闲长假。

闲言闲语

忙里偷闲。

人言：“偷得浮生半日闲。”

目视着平淡无趣的电脑荧幕，使我无心工作。一早上的奔波，终于在下午画上了句点。在距离放工的闹钟响起，还有那短短的数十分钟。闲来无事，就稍微偷“机”摸“鼠”一下下吧。

哈～

真的在一眨眼的瞬间，我在办公室打拼都有一段时间了哦。不多不少，有半年了呢。

回想起来，我的工作历程似乎有点太过平稳、顺利了。

开始时，仓库管理员。

两月后，到出售部帮忙。学以致用呗。

三月，脱离出售部的魔掌，进入采购部。凭着管理仓库时的知识，无惊无险的度过难关。

四月，城门失火，殃及池鱼。还没搞清楚状况，便被编进采购部。过着令人汗颜的文书工作。

五月，人才外流。关中无大将，“小人当道”。握着羽毛，胆小心细的接管采购部。

六月，安然无恙度过一路的腥风血雨。

七月，累了。。。

原来容易得到别人赞扬的人，在别人的眼中是一个碍眼的存在。抚着身上的“箭”伤，我累了。回想着，还是济济无名比较适合我。哈哈～

人的贪婪、自私。在办公室这一个战场上，我虽然身在其中，但一眼望去，还是一目了然的。

好的公司，不一定有好的员工；不好的公司，往往藏着好的员工。

人心难测。

平静下来后的雨天，闲言闲语飞入耳中，也不再刺耳。反而有一种听着娱乐新闻般的乐趣，就像是早晨的鸡啼，很烦、但是缺少了就不习惯。

我开始怀念这么一句话：

“我轻飘飘的来，轻飘飘的去。我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。”

悠闲、轻松，是我目前最向往的东西。

Sometimes

There is always sometime, we feel lazy and don't want to do anything, even just a simple movement like moving our finger.

There is always sometime, we feel the energy and want to move around, even play or exercise until our singlet or shirt is wet n smelly.

There is always sometime, we feel like don't want to talk much although we have many topics and things to be discuss or chat.

There is always sometime, we feel like wanna talk a lot of things although we are just focusing on 1 topic, but there is the topic we can non-stop talking and discuss.

There is always sometime, we feel like don't want to be with anyone except our own self although we are deep inside the darkness.

There is always sometime, we feel like want to share anything happen on us toward everybody although it's a things that as tiny as a particle of ash.

You know what? Whenever is that sometime happen, whatever that sometime happen, wherever that sometime happen, you will always have at least somebody to share with. Just maybe your eyes had been binded, your ears had been covered, and your mouth had been stuffed, so you can't see a friend, can't hear a call, and even can't share your happiness..

Keep your faith and believe whatever, whenever, wherever, you need to share that sometime, at least somebody will always be there, just waiting for you, to share your every moments, nor happiness; sadness; anger; or anything you faced on the path of light and darkness..

To all my friends that I care, and to the special one I love, I wish to thanks you guys for sharing my so many sometimes, and make my life more complete.

For Friendships, we, a.k.a The Chao Gei Gang, will rocks on toward the future!

For My Love, we, a.k.a B&P, will hold our hands and moving toward the uncertain future.

Remember, we, always are friends till the end of everything..(sometime)

XD

Start the New

Tell ya what, I've got my own laptop le.. YEAH^^ Haha, maybe to some of you, owning a laptop is bot a big deal, but to me, it's a struggle decision to make when facing different brands, functions, specs, colours, designs of the laptop.. >.<

But no matter how struggle, (not to forget how hurt the decision to me) I've finally buy 1 laptop that I kinda like^^ DELL INSPIRON~ Haha.. Maybe it's not so nice for gaming or working, and having a quite heavy weight too, but I don't mind as that's the 1 I need.. Hoho^^

1st time spent so many money on a single object, I was thinking what would my family think bout it.. I thought it would be a disaster when I bring back to home, as I imagine they would scold me like hell.. But out of my expectation, my family didn't scold me but just ask me to take care of the laptop..like, don't put it in the car if not other ppl will break ur car n soso.. Kinda surprise me they didn't scold me or "black face" toward me, kinda happy and sweet^^

Lastly, followed by the purchase of the laptop, I might have to make another hard decision, although it maybe coz me to lose something, but just like buying the laptop, lose something to go the things I wan, I don't like making decision, but I'll accept whatever come in my path after the decision, or good or bad, with no regrets, but to keep on going until meet the end or boredom..

Hehe.. So, wish me luck on what I gonna do bah, appreciate those who comments for my posts. You guys de advises I all heard, so I will fight for a brighter life, grab the things that I wan, and try to achieve what it's in front of me..

(Finally, a post without black emotion.. XD)

时间

慢慢的，我走了二十年。回想起我的童年，出现在我印象中的是风筝、空旷无人的沙地、脚踏车、数码暴龙机、还有那拼命追人的恶犬。

我喜欢风筝。看见它慢慢的飞起，会让我不住想像，我在飞～ 看见它，我梦想我的心也在空中翱翔～看那看那，看那“红色蜻蜓”飞在蓝色天空～哈哈^^

空旷无人的沙地啊～怀念啊。曾几何时，我家附近有一处开发着的沙地，（现在已经发展成为工厂了）。我们几个小鬼头经常结伴去那里“游山玩‘沙’”。还记得那时有着数座沙、石山。我们最喜欢玩角色扮演，幻想自己是爬山者，千辛万苦攀上最高峰，然后“一失足成千古恨”，一滑而下。刺激啊～ 但贪玩的后果是，灰头土脸的满身沙。哈哈^^结果呢？回家被父母骂咯。XD

Yeah.. Time really gone fast without our notice. For what we had experienced it, it's the memories to cherish. For those who we forgotten, they will still within, until the day, we met again.

When time rushed me to walk faster and further in my way of life, somehow, the memories of childhood, will flashed within my mind. Ya, I remember all the things that happened when I'm still a kid. What I remember the most -- lying on the soft sand, staring at the cloudy blue sky, with my best friends beside, after climbing up to the top of the sand mountain. It's peaceful. It's freedom that we wishing for after being tied to studies, assignments (not me), works, money, stress, love, and many more.

When we no longer have it, we find another way of freedom. I dunno where is yours, but I found my in the music. I admit that I'm not good in singing, but I enjoyed listening to music.. It's the peaceful world I can ever find.. Thanks for my someone also. She lead my way, and make it brighter. Thanks everyones^^

静

曾几何时，我有过一段疯狂的欢乐时光，有过一颗平静好玩的童心。是什么时候，我把这两样东西，很重要的东西给遗忘了呢？是什么地方，我把它们遗弃了呢？

工作的担子在我的肩上不动声色地印下伤痕，爱情的轰烈看似渐渐被我遗忘了。我的生活开始变得不由自主，我的思绪缓缓地被侵蚀，只剩下黑暗。是什么？是什么挽留着我的感官？是什么让我在黑暗的命运路途中挣扎求存？是你吗？是的。是你。还有你。还有你们。

仔细想想，是什么时候我的部落格开始被涂上死亡的尘灰色，是什么时候黑暗也开始聚集在我的身边呢？被遗忘了。我的回忆也已经被我所遗忘了。开心的，在我脑海里；痛心的，在我脑海里；可惜的，在我脑海里；被遗忘，在记忆里。

或许，我的世界，我的真实是我的反面吧。记得有一天，我做了一个梦：
这里是迷宫。各式各样，上下左右都是楼梯，每一个楼梯的尽头都有一扇门。每一扇门的后面，都通向各个不同的记忆里；而有一些门则是回到梦的起点--迷宫。每一扇门都试了，每一种道路都走过了，剩下一扇被锁链封锁的破旧木门。挣脱了生锈的锁链，撬开损坏的木门。这是一间很小的密室。黑暗的角落，有着一个消瘦的小男孩。没有表情，但脸上流着殷红的眼泪。然后，他望向我，对我说，不要回来，忘了这里。而后，我醒了。

我，曾经怀疑过我有精神分裂症。

或许吧。但，我还是正常的。不要害怕，不要远离我。我没有可以伤害任何人的爪牙。

我会安静的等。安静地等待。一切都很安静。就像我梦境中，楼梯尽头的小密室里一样。

Down.Down.Down

Yeah.. Finally got my name printed on the name card~ And I've my own name card dy~ HOHO~ PURCHASING EXCECUTIVE~ Wuahaha~

But I don't really happy like what I'm Typing as you can see it from my title. Been promoted and get a better pay sure is a great thing to b celebrate, I supppose, but dunno why, this can't cheer me up much. Dunno what I'm thinking? Either do I. I did imagine when would I feel if I had my own position in the company and can proudly give peoples my name card, I would be very happy and proud. But it turns another way round when it become true.

I hate to say this, but I'm really not a good person to give orders and making decision. And even more, I can say I'm not a good worker as I don't like to work following orders. I wanna be free!!

Haih.. Panda's right. I have to plan my life. If really wanna study now, will be late dy mah? I think the answer is maybe. But life's so long, who can tell when is late? As long as you got the heart to do whatever you dream, and you got the strength to achieve it, nothing is late or impossible. Or how about another works that's free but pay less? Not worth? Maybe. But depends what and how you think. So, from here, you can see what I mean by I'm not a good decision maker lo. I actually dunno what I want. Pif..

But somebody, I mean my close friends, sure will knock my head when I say I dunno what I want. Why? They say, I'm not dunno what I want, is I want something, I'll think too much before I making a decision, that make me struggling until the end of the selection. I think it back again and again. Maybe they are right. I did think and consider many things before I making 1 decision. I do think that I'm a coward as I scare if I make 1 decision and that decison cause any trouble, I won't feel happy. That's why I seldom make decison. That's why I say myself a coward.

Lack of confidient really is my biggest weakness.. HELP~~

Attacked..

Maybe this is not a nice work after all. Really, I didn't mean to harm anybody, but maybe what I did does hurt anybody without noticed by myself. But if you feel that I didn't respect you, you can just tell me nicely, and I would be polite to you using the attitude that you want me to show.



What for stabbing me back in front of the boss(es)? Plus somemore to boss(es) that's no longer working in this comapny leh? Suan la.. Maybe he act as a senior (very old and experince that kind ), he wanna show us ( juniors ) what he is capable of, and as to proven his values out of some many competatives that have similar skills like he did, that's why he keep saying " I had work as a foreman for XX years, even in this company also I worked for 10++ years, you want to beat me? Train for few years 1st lah! "

Ok, I admit that he can do works, but if you can't manage to handle so many of it, why don't just say NO to the company? What for telling them is us didn't buy you the things you want and let the boss chop us? I also admit that he ( sometimes ) is a good teacher and also a good man to deal with, but when he do those kind of things, I will somehow think o, " is the person I admire and willing to learn from is some1 like this a? "

After all, he is the senior, or can be say, as a existance that cannot be denied, he had his values and power, but for some of us, he is the present of disaster.. Wish I could deal better with him, although I don't like him or how he talks nor works, but I appreciate the lessons and " lessons " he teached me and I'm glad that he somehow willing to teach me.

Thank you for the lesson ( " lessons " ) of life and work.

雨落

走过了数天的酷旱，天公好像可怜地上的众生似的，怜悯的落下甘露。

啊～雨啊～

下雨了，闷热的风升华了；冷冽的风缓缓的与清澈的雨露跳着快乐的舞步。
众生隔着门窗欣赏着愉悦的华尔兹。
迎着透心的雨，开怀吧。随着拂面的风，欢腾吧。

雨，洗涤尘埃，
雨，沉淀心灵。

稀里哗啦，快乐的歌唱，
轰隆恭隆，忘我的哼唱。

雨时，淅淅滴滴，期待雨后的天晴；
雨后，依依唉唉，想念雨时的悲欢。

当面对绝望时，要展望眼前，或许希望就在人间。
或许流泪，会使你更加坚强。

Life have to go on

No matter what happen, or will happen, how boring the life would be, we have to move forward. No matter how hard the path we walking on, we still have to move forward.

Ahh.. How boring is my life now. How hard I try to moving on this path of life.

But thanks to someone special, she did cheer me up, and gave me the strength to moving and moving on the path of life, not alone.

Thanks for encouragement. Thanks.

有心难行

有些事情，想说但是就是说不出口。
有些事情，想做但是就是做不出来。

有很多东西，不想去做，但却被现实所逼而不得不做。
可也有很多东西，明知不该做，有人却往往心甘情愿的去做。

何苦，何唉？

在别人的眼中，有些事情可能不值得一提，但如果某人做的开心，问心无愧，那么过程如何辛苦，他也不会太在意了。但可惜，有些东西我没有办法能做的向他们那么豁达，看得那么透彻，所以我还不能认同他的所作所为。或许，我明白他的心情和想法，但我拒绝接受他做这一切的理由，且怀疑他的决心。至少，我对他的为人多少还有一点保留。

而这一丁点的保留，使我无法相信他。

何苦，何唉？

随着离别的日子将近，这一份怀疑，可以释怀吗？
唉～艰难的日子，正一步一步的逼近啊。

Moving Hard.. Maybe a stop?

Time passed fast, day after days, yet the time almost there.. Time for both seniors left this company 1 by 1, 1st the malay senior (who I proud for her great work here), then the 2nd, the 1 who teached me alot of "his ways" of doing work and experiences. I appreciate all they had teach me, but i also hate (or dislike) whatever they put onto / into me, which make me not like me..

But what else I can say if the bosses also think getting both of them working at another company is nothing? "Just let it be whatever they wanted it to be." This what my heart said to me whenever I start to think bout the problems may occured after this.. Nothing I can do as this matter already confirmed without further discussions..

Before left, should you guys left me or inform me whatever project you still got in hands? Haih.. Actually, do I really care whatever they doing or not doing? Tell the truth, I dun care (maybe). I started with my own, getting helps from others, learning from others, really thanks for those ppl who help me withstand those obstacles in front of me by now, including those who I dun like, is they I should thanks, because, without them, I wont be me today.

Talking bout facing obstacles, I had faced some of it just within this few days. It let me learned that, nobody will be nice to you forever, and they never will do so to you. Whole world is talking bout own profits before applying others issues of other peoples, even a teacher that teached you many things. With a nice wrapping named "gift" or "challenge", they will slam some problems to you, force you to find a solution then when you starting to solve the problems, and meet the guys, they gave me a smile(s), and telling me, "as a purchaser, you have to be tough to fight with all those hard-to-deal situations or suppliers, dun try to "eat" your mistake, you suppose to deal with them with soft-hard or soft-soft methods to settle the probs." I appreciated, the "works" he had done, but I dun accept his ways of showing me this facts. I knew I should learn from this lesson, but I cant forgive the way he observe how I solved the problems, and dun tell me bout the history of you guys that you alone can handle the whole department as it started as a small unit and now already grown to a company holding ISO(almost).

But 1 things for sure, I had learned alot, more than anything that I ever seen in this life(for now). I wish I can thanks you guys of anyway I can, but I'm not done with the anger in my heart, sorry to say that.

I dun think that this will be my final job, and yet I'm not joking bout this. When everything's ready, I'll leave here once and for all.. Maybe a new job, maybe furthering my study of arts and design, or maybe become a tattoo artist was not a bad idea after all(the 1 who design tattoo).

Road is getting tough when I moving further, looking back to the scars on my soul, somehow I wish to have a stop and rest. Stop, mean end of something; and that something maybe will hold other things, will I dun bother what will happen when I stopped? I will.. But at least is my decision, not aimlessly following others' order(s).

At least, I proud to be in my ways.
Miss the wind-blowing days.. Miss the chit-chatting days.. Miss the warm-hearted peoples that 1st appeared in my journey of work..

Need a rest, making a stop.. Making a stop that seem difficult..

Holding my breathe

When is the last time I login again? A question that I will always ask myself when I log into some online things, no matter games, blogs, hotmail and so on.. It seem that I can't remember well when I done something within my will..

So.. Forgive me if I type something similar for you guys to read. ^^

Anyway, near end of the month le, many things still hanging half way, what to do if my heart to rush those thing already gone? Haha.. Ignore me, my bad habits~ But nevermind, I know I still have a long way to go in this company so I'll deal with anything within my way.. But sometime, I really wish Malaysia office work can have a nice working surrounding like HK (which show in TV), I know it might be just a fake image to all, but try to imagine if your office work is like that, will you feel nicer although you hav to fight with whole bunch of works?

*Imagining*
*Sitting down on the seat, looking at the screen of pc, finished a deadlined project at the last moment.. Relaxing.. Take out the spec, closed the eyes for some rest after more than 10hrs staring at the pc. Suddenly a warm hand placed on your shoulder and a similar sound whispering beside of you, thank you for what you had done.. Then with a cup of refreshing, hot coffee placed in front of you, with a nice night view from office windows.. Ahhh... All the tiredness sure flied away.. *

Haha.. But all those just an imagination and side product due to the influences of the HK movies, it won't happen here, at least won't happen in my place..

But I still wishing some of those days will come, so for any problems I facing now, I can just Hold My Breathe and make my ways out of those obstacles.. For my future, just have to hang on..

Wondering

After some times working in this factory, and I slowly move on to a higher position which most similar to other office works, nothing much I can say about it..

Although the treats, payment, attention is better than when I working in 99 Speedmart, but I cant stop wondering whether do I really can suit myself for this kind of office work..? But think another way and consider about the matter deeper, I cant suit myself for the works or I cant suit myself with all the people around in this working area..?

I dunno what might people think about me no matter in working or my attitude, but 1 thing for sure, I just doing whatever i can.. But why do other people somehow can do the works themselves, but after some times, throw back the ball to other and ask other to complete it? And there also somebody will start the works and know it well, then until half way, again throw to other and call the luckless one to submit it or explain it to the boss har??

For them, they call this way of working is training the new people wor. To let the new people get used to what they need to deal with, what they been working(busy I suppose) for the times and teach the new one how to do those similar works..

Oh gosh.. Is this the truth or I suppose to say, this is the ways of working in the new place as a new person? Whatever senior throw toward us, we have to absorb (without understand how the real things work?) , then proceed it out once again of whatever they said toward the boss (without fully understanding)?

Haih..

Ok.. Passed lvl 1, that mean you gonna step into phrase 2. Survival Games in a whole list of works.. I actually don't mind how many works I have to work with, but I just need some times to proceed all of the works. What for throwing all the works (and yelling at me that this this that that urgent) if you think that I cant finish those works for you leh? What's wrong if you just do your parts, and let me finished mine at 1st? (sigh) If I cant manage my time for the works, what's wrong for just reduce some of it for me even just a simple call to supplier? I appreciate those who help, really.. I know you guys just wanna train me to be "pro" like you guys asap, but guys, I'm not robot that complete with latest technology loh..

I talk so much have no other meaning.. Just wanna release my thinking to walk a longer road in this work.. But, when I talked to someone within the same company, again I been tackled.. Now even complaining also will become a sin, sorry lo, 1st time in office, then gonna handle all things that hang in half way, you think I'm robot o? "Like this already complaining ah? Last time when I work, I............................................................................................... You know a, your work now is so little only, now already headache, when you alone do all work how you survive?"

Sir, all you told I understand lor, but I just complaining only, and when did I stop my work leh har? (sigh) If both can do their works respectively, I will cant do work or do all works and hang in half way mah? Suan la.. Told also have no use, then better "eat" it back and keep the work going.. I dunno then what's wrong for you to told me a word or two? "Dunno then no need to do lah? Dunno then left it there and it will settle itself? Why you do like this? What are the thing you done for me? This call works meh?" Sir, if I know those works, then I already settle it early before you got chance to shout those "words" on me.. (actually, those words can also reflected back to the speakers)

Maybe I'm a robot after all.. A robot that can only act following instructions..
Or maybe, I won't stay long in this situation..
Or maybe, I'll leave here..
Or maybe, ......

Time, not enough?

Time fled away from my hands again.. Yet I let it go, again.. So, is the time really wasted by me just like this? I dunno.. Do I suppose to know whether i wasted the time? Or it's the other way out -- Time wasted my life?

Who know?

People always struggle for time and keep complaining that the time is not enough, but is it the true fact or how the way it have to b spoken?

Think bout it.
Is not enough time?

or..
we moving too slow?

The speed of TIME is just like that.. Fast or Slow have no meaning for It.. Coz It won't need it..

Then why we still will think that time flow fast or slow?

Think again..

Did it move slow when we doing nothing? Or coz we do nothing so we FEEL that it moving slow?

Did it running fast when we had lots of things to do? Or just there is too many things to b done in a fixed time, so we FELT it's moving fast and not enough time for us to use?

Think again..

Living things feels thing with senses. But when facing the things you cant "feel", what will you feel or think bout it?

Think again, maybe, take the time of a cup of tea, sit down, calm your mind, and feel the flow around you. Maybe you will "feel" something that you never feel in this stressed life..

Time are always there. It will never be less or more, how to use it, you are the 1 who decide, enjoy it but dun regret..

Nothing

When you already used to some sort of situation, whatever things that is similar happened, you won't feel surprised anymore.. So do works, whenever you get used to it(just a matter of time), you won't feel that works is hard or challenging as you already know how to settle it..

Pif.. Maybe I'm lazy(yes, i admit), but when the works getting easier, it has lost its value to stated as a work as you will like doing some regulated exercise.. XD

Aiya.. If this situation and thinking continued, how am I gonna do my works effectively~~ Need help~

(suddenly think of Counter Strike)

X : Need backup!

Y : Negative!

X : Stick together, team!

Y : Negative!

X : Fire in the hole!

Y : Negative!

X : ... ... (been head shot)

Y : Nice shoot, sir!

XD

Workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork~~~

a drop of pollution~

Sleepy..

Aiyo.. What happened?! Why am I so sleepy for today?!

Ah~~!!

Wake up a~~!!

(sigh) No use at all leh~

Too bad here no have coffee(s), It'll be better if it got sold over here..

I can felt that my eyes are so heavy and can't stop want to close in and got for " a chess competition with Mr.Zhou Gong".. x.x

Maybe is today too silent, or I not rested enough, sleepy~

=_="

Careless~ Careless~ Careless~

Aiyo.. Really not in the mood of work today.. Dunno why, keep doing works that bring mistake due to my simply tiny carelessness.. ZZZ

Sien ah.. Why when I'm free, nobody throw any works or request me for anything?? But when I'm busy till can't have time to rest, all body will come over to request tools, or even office works also need me to do~(actually, their works not included in my working area) Then more dying one is, now I'm being "rated" to be included in Purchase Department.. Aiyo-weiya~ (I know this should be a good news, but I don't feel like happy at all lo)..

But for "included" in P.D, maybe it's not a bad idea after all.. Can learn many things through, then got help in "updating" myself to xxx hardwares and yyy machines and zzz tools.. Suan la.. Just face all the obstacle and challenge lo~ Ush!! Jia You~!!

At last, still not feeling better.. =.="

WHY A SMALL STOREKEEPER BOY HAVE TO DO SALES DEPARTMENT, PURCHASE DEPARTMENT AND STORES WORKS WITH A SALARY THAT LOW~~

I HATE U GUYS~~(AND LADIES)

Ok.. Now I'm satisfied... XD

Waiting Time To Pass

Hmm.. How to say? Although the job and the company i working now had gave me a greater freedom, and treatments, but somehow I wondering that, why they wanna to have a storekeeper over here as, the works of storekeeper seem to be very easy for me.. Days after day, I got some feeling like I was wasting times in a small store in the company.. I did whatever I have to done, following their instruction, and who the hell can tell me what I should do next~!

Ya ya, this work is very easy to work with, workers also nice to me , but I seem doing nothing while other people rushing for projects and paper works.. Aiya.. Maybe it seem ok for somebody for having a job without many works, but I did feel like I'm eating the salary just like doing nothing for the company.. T.T

Anybody can slap me to wake me up from the freaking sleepiness and get me some work to do~~??

(p.s. I'm totally looooooooost~~ X.X" )

Wonder Why..

Time passed how long since I never updated my blog already.. Maybe I'm getting lazy of being a "force-to-be" good boy, or maybe is my lazy genes are gone to invade my body.. (laugh)

Anyway, it's time to continue my life as a human and walk on the road of life which full of uncertainty , danger, disappointment, and lots of negative thoughts and moves.. (sigh) I'm suffering from something that I can't explain to anyone.. I'm getting tired n tired..

But I'm afraid that tiredness can't take me down yet so far, cause, I know that some still need me, ya, she need me, I think.. At least, whenever I need help, she dun't mind to help me up and request for no rewards no matter how many hard works she had did for me.. But I know, all you want is just a smile, a warm hug or a soft kiss from me.. I know it, and I dun't mind to give you whatever I can give..

People have no idea how many obstacles we had been passed through, but we both know.. Because we crossed it, no matter how painful it is, that make us more appreciate each other..

I know that on the road when we walked alone, I did hurt u thousands of times.. I'm sorry, yet I cant stop doing something that hurt you without my notice, so at last, i turned into silent.. Being criticized, blamed, hated but I dun't mind.. What I want is just both of us, you and me..

Maybe is my "illness" that seem to making my thinkings, actions, emotions more negative, but remember, and you know me, I'm always be with you whenever you want me to stay..

Forgive me..

And..

I love you..